I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
