His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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