Just mADE A PArabola og urine
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I want a musical about memes.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize