I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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