So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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