walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
