I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
