I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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