it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
