You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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