Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
