Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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