I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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