i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
my poor anus
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
