I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
