WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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