boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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