porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
