then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
