I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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