How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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