I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
