If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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