Non-Jews are for practice
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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