I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
