oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Randomize
