so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
