I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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