So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize