She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
