I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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