I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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