i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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