Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
