I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
