"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
