Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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