ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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