You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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