dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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