Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize