Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
