So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
