im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
