Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
