Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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