i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize