Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
