I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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