do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize