i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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