I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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