I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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