I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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