I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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