so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
