What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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