I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
