it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
