i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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