It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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