i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize