im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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