Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
where does the pee come out of this thing
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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