hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
