So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We left the knife in your bed.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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