9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
