don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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