i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She told me I should be a condom model.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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