I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My life is pants optional.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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