ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
