If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
