are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
