was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
